Thank you for a heart filled with love. I’m not immune to anger and bitterness. Hopefully, though, love will outshine the dark bits.

Thank you for thunderclaps and raindrops outside the window while Peaches and I are cozy in bed.

Thank you for the practical stuff that waters seeds of love by sustaining health and lifting moods. Fruit smoothies make me more loving. Regular poops do it, too (sorry), along with rainbow salads, gung-ho bike rides, doggy cuddles, restful nights, caring friends, understanding family, peaceful communities… Reading about the Buddhist notion of emptiness, it could even make sense to say that my love is empty. It’s composed of non-love elements: personal health, supportive people, secure environments. Challenges make it up too. Everything’s in there!

Thank you for Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius. He’s a new celebrity crush. I hear he did some terrible things, but none of us are (is?) perfect. He was also introspective. He journaled. He held values and tried diligently to live by them. I’m inspired by his efforts and writings. 

Thank you for the opportunity to read over past gratitudes. It gave perspective on the last couple years. Earlier entries seemed more interesting and colorful. Was it my imagination? Or could it be that my life has grown more stressful and less well-rounded since then? I wonder if I set aside outside interests that made me more interesting. One of those is reading diverse books—not just wellness but poetry, fiction, biographies—books so exciting I can’t wait to share them. Another is watching eye-opening films. A third is spending time with diverse people, although I’ve been fortunate to enjoy warm and trusting friendships recently. So I can’t say for sure about the third one. Or could it be that it’s not my life that became less interesting but only the gratitude entries that did so? I do think it’s time to try something new instead of gratitude entries. A revamp is in order. It could take awhile. We’ll see.

Thank you for more ideas to regain the spark in real life, too. I’d like to try another meditation class through UCLA MARC. The last one I went to was on relational mindfulness with Deborah Eden Tull. She is wonderful. Notes from it still help me. I’d also like to explore NM. Kitchen adventures sound fun. Giving back by donating blood or time can add spark if chosen right. Plant adventures may fill the tank, too, but that might have to wait until back at Seminole. Anywho, If my life is richer, others will gain excitement by being in my presence.

Thank you, again, for what makes me feel alive, like reading certain books and traveling different places. Other alive-makers: movement, hardships or challenges to push beyond comforts, interpersonal connections, rest, healthy food…

Thank you for ironic ways of loving. To be vibrant for another may require not focusing too much on that person. Being a better partner for another may require living a fuller life for one’s self. Another ironic way of loving is to let go. Sometimes that’s the respectful choice (esp. if it seems requested of one) even if it’s not what I would choose or want to do otherwise.

Thank you for days lasting longer in NM. I don’t understand how it works. More fits into NM days than did in CA days.

Thank you for those who appreciate and cultivate kindness in others. My dad, for instance, used to call me “Sweet Shan.” (Sorry that’s extra corny.) I didn’t think much of it at the time because it’s just what he did. Looking back, I see how refreshing it is to be singled out as nice or sweet and appreciated as such, particularly by someone very close.

Thank you for the fun of typing on a keyboard. Clicky sounds are a bonus.

Thank you for another fast to seek peace, healing, clarity, and guidance. Today is day one. My insides still feel turmoil. I’m confident that by continuing to seek, what I’m looking for will come to light. Wishing you peace, healing, clarity, and guidance, too.