Thank you for Monday morning’s rainbow. 

Thank you for spectacular views from the front door.

Thank you for opportunities to heal when surrounded by nature. Just like wild things grow in nature, even after being damaged, sometimes when it seems hopeless, we, too, grow in nature. Our hurts can heal. (So what if it sounded cheesy.)

Thank you for tarantula sightings on the road and driveway. (Let’s hope they don’t make it inside the house.)

Thank you for genuine connections with friendly folks who live nearby.

Thank you for the awareness of how fortunate I am lately, especially to be surrounded by kind, caring people.

Thank you for help given and received.

Thank you for the rewards of giving a person a thing that she or he appreciates.

Thank you for the willingness to post again despite considerable embarrassment.

Thank you for some social lessons:

(1) That no one is ever perfect makes life exciting because it means there’s always room for us to learn. 

(2) Every human being has something about them to love.

(3) It helps me to believe we humans are good at our core. The goodness of humanity means that any emotion or feeling, etc., with a negative value judgment toward the person, like jealousy or greed or selfishness or lust, isn’t the whole story. For example, assuming we are “good” helps me to see those negative-value emotions as composites. The composites break further into primary feelings that, although perhaps negative, don’t hold the same value judgement. Fear and insecurity, for example. To be afraid or insecure is not positive but is less controversial. It’s less judgmental. Having such feelings doesn’t brand you as worthy of censure, only as being hurt. You still deserve compassion. (Sorry for repeating from earlier.)

(4) (There is extra rambling and maybe kookiness and over reaching here.) Seeking forgiveness may at times be more challenging for the one who seeks than the one who forgives. In other words, sometimes the hardest part of forgiveness is simply to forgive ourselves and feel deserving of love. The burden of our remorse can be so heavy that it’s matched only by the challenge of owning up to perceived wrongs. Here is where we often become stuck: feeling just as awful for what we’ve done as we do about admitting to it.

Yet owning up—coming clean and seeking forgiveness—may be key to lessen the burden. It’s true even when the so-called “offended” party doesn’t need an apology or explanation. The one who feels guilt and shame often feels the need to confess. So three issues become intertwined like a knot. We hate on ourselves for what we’ve done, we fear letting others know, yet we feel compelled to come clean.

What fuses the fear behind not speaking up with the compulsion to speak up? It may be insecurity about worthiness. On one hand, we don’t know how others will respond when they see our shame-ridden flaws. On the other, unless we know their response, we can’t be sure they love us for who we are—flaws, regrets, and all. We fear what we have to find out.

Worse-case scenario: Our fessing up permanently damages a relationship. We receive the hatred we dreaded. We are forced to learn that, just as we made a mistake due to lack of understanding or to fear, others make mistakes in how they respond to our own slip ups. We learn through their lack of compassion that they face challenges too, and we grow to show them (and ourselves) the forgiveness that they (and we) deserve.

Better-case scenario: Coming clean leads to receiving the external message that we are worthy of love regardless of mistakes. Voicing regrets, in a safe environment, has a ton of other potential advantages, too. Talking about what happened prompts all parties involved to exchange unspoken thoughts and feelings. “Transgressions” are thus placed in context so we better understand why they occurred, how we are all responsible, how our words and actions impact others, and how to move forward.

It helps if this is done carefully with intention and compassion, of course. There must be a respectful space to express as well as to listen. Sensitivity from all sides is essential. I’d say the rewards of careful communication around forgiveness may turn the curse of regrets into the blessings of love.