Thank you for rain in the forecast. 

Thank you for ethical attorneys. 

Thank you for truth. 

Thank you for less than two months until moving day. It’s bittersweet. The plan was to leave the last week of March but now I hope to leave the first or even second week of April, as late as possible to save money on lodging. I just have to be there in time to have a space on the lot ready before the house is delivered. The house is set to leave the builders April 6, and it should be in transit a week or two.

Thank you for the willingness to do scary things. Some of what scares me about the move is driving the truck with car towed on back, stopping for gas (especially if reversing is necessary), finding a place to sleep, keeping Peaches calm and comfy, unpacking and repacking and unpacking again, figuring out how to get the house past where the street is blocked off and up to its landing spot, other logistical stuff. Also, what happens if I get sick? Hopefully this is the right thing to do. If not, then may I make the best out of it and learn from it.

Thank you for small living spaces.

Thank you for animal caregivers who clean up after their pets.

Thank you for last night, lying in bed and feeling grateful/happy for peace, comfort, health, rest.

Thank you for unscented household and beauty products.

Thank you for lipstick that comes wrapped in paper like a crayon.

Thank you for dad hats.

Thank you for compostable produce bags.

Thank you for waste and recycling services. 

Thank you for reminders of what day it is by the sound of the trash truck.

Thank you for how different places and creatures on earth seem otherworldly. 

Thank you for prescient dreams. A few times lately small details of the next day popped into dreams the night before.

Thank you for family.

Thank you for support networks that are like safety nets.

Thank you for a snow free parking lot.

Thank you for a snow and ice free walkway outside our building.

Thank you for chocolate with quinoa crisps.

Thank you for John Kerry.

Thank you for clean teeth.

Thank you for ginger.

Thank you for symbolism.

Thank you for games.

Thank you for analogies.

Thank you for puzzles.

Thank you for humor.

Thank you for the sound of the word “powder” in French. 

Thank you for thoughts that tickle.

Thank you for baskets.

Thank you for when space apart brings loved ones closer in the long run.

Thank you for Marc assigning me analysis of the most interesting item on the senior survey. Every year he let me sift through thousands of responses to “What was your most meaningful learning experience at UCLA?” Imagine having access to a databank filled with touching memories and insights collected from the once-in-a-lifetime experiences of high performing diverse adults.  

Thank you for simple designs.

Thank you for hands.

Thank you for others who practice mindfulness. When someone I stalked on social media had posted a photo of a tree sign with a mindfulness saying on it, I gained appreciation for my own practice. It started me thinking of mindfulness as something real and valuable. Before seeing that, if I were meditating and a friend called to ask what I was up to, I would have said “nothing.” I didn’t think mindfulness or meditation was worth bringing up, in a way. There was a lot for me to learn about it outside of the clinical and self-help settings. I mean, I knew it mattered, but I also didn’t. Seeing someone I looked up to celebrate the very thing I practiced gave me more respect for myself.

Thank you for bird tracks through the snow under the rosebush outside our door.

Thank you for Peaches licking my hand after it was hurt (not bad).

Thank you for Adam Grant on the Rich Roll Podcast. It was interesting their discussion about us being like preachers, politicians, prosecutors, scientists, and lighthouses (in how we relate to each other). Also I’d heard of support networks but never challenge networks. What else? The importance of enjoying challenges and welcoming being wrong as an opportunity to learn. For me, attitude makes a huge difference. When I assert something with an attitude or with pride, then it’s a lot harder to embrace if I’m wrong. It helps to have a questioning and humble attitude. Some people don’t seem to listen to me when I take the less confident approach, I’ve noticed. So that’s one drawback of not sounding too self assured. But then when I do have that uncertain, humble attitude, then I don’t have to walk back so far or eat humble pie when I’m wrong. When it’s easier to accept being wrong, then it’s easier to learn and grow from mistakes. It’s a goal not to be too sure of myself. Maybe that’s sort of what AG meant by being like a (good) scientist. Or not. Whatever. Question to seek truth, and don’t invest your ego in whether you’re right or wrong.

Thank you also for what Adam Grant said about procrastination being motivated not by aversion to work but by emotion. I agree. Behind my procrastination are fears of failure, of conflict, of making the wrong decisions, of getting into a hole that I can’t dig out from, etc.

Thank you for multiple weeks without a booch.

Thank you for when my dad would make a pita sandwich and call it a Lebaneser. Thank you for when he’d tell us about a dish, “Now this is bedouin food.” Thank you for his dry sense of humor. 

Thank you for Garrison at the solar place and for the renewable energy workforce.

Thank you for when we are moved to tears in any direction. It means we’re feeling deeply, and that’s essential to being human.

Thank you for sourdough bread with chocolate.

Thank you for when we are able to give space to friends who are confused or angry, when our involvement with them in some respects seems to water unwholesome seeds. Thank you for when there is faith that all parties involved have the wisdom, patience, compassion, and strength to navigate through difficulties and come out healthier as a result.

Thank you for the capacity to change.

Thank you for seemingly healthy intimate relationships, especially ones with challenges. Thank you for the hope and inspiration they give. 

Thank you for Bunny the talking dog. Probably many more dogs could talk if they were only taught how.

Thank you for Nora in customer service at the mattress place. She cared, which uplifted my day.

Thank you for Martin with LA DRP agreeing to chat about the permit requirements and how to submit the application. Thank you for the temporary housing application submitted and approved. I had been stressing over it for such a long time. Thank you for everyone who helped with it, especially Sister and Martin.

Thank you for Covid numbers going down.

Thank you for faith.

Thank you for love, the study of love, the practice of it.

Thank you for the t-shirt slogan that Jedidiah Jenkins mentioned on the RRP, “Remember when you wanted what you currently have.” I remember when I wanted more independence, out of grad school, out of the cubicle, fewer skin problems, healthier hair, not to feel alone, a dog, a car, less anger, to share thoughts with others, to feel comfortable in my body… Just so much. Looking back brings relief.

I’m especially thinking of when I had finished grad school but couldn’t get a job near my dad and wasn’t willing to apply farther out. It was one of the tougher periods of my adult life. I was running out of money and ended up fortunate to take the option of living back with him and my mom. He was in denial of his dementia, and didn’t trust. She was beyond stressed. They both needed help. Being there allowed me to contribute some, but I still needed an income. No one would hire me—maybe it’s how I presented myself. Then a caregiving agency finally gave me a chance. I was eventually assigned to an elderly couple four days a week for just above minimum wage. (The agency added a dollar an hour to care for one extra soul.) 

Both spent their days drinking coffee, heavily medicated, in recliners aimed at the TV. The woman’s deteriorating mental state kept her from recognizing her adult son and made her husband appear as her grandmother. She’d do things like decorate her pancakes with assorted pills. She was without exception gentle and kind. The man had a sound mind and thankfully treated his wife well. But he relished in calling me their servant. He liked to tell me how many ice cubes each wanted in their drinks, stuff like that. Through their door I became a less-than person. There were better fits with others, but this situation is what I stayed with.

Anyhow, my former boss called in the middle of that job to offer back a research position, part time. I took him up on it although I’d committed to yoga teacher training on the weekends and had no intention to leave caregiving. So for a time it was caregiving Mondays through Thursdays, research Fridays, and yoga training on Saturdays and Sundays. Every evening meant returning home to heartbreak. Then as my dad grew more ill, time as a paid caregiver dwindled while hours (working mainly from home) as a researcher increased. It sounds funny to say, but maybe I didn’t have the confidence to pursue yoga teaching. Not sure if I discounted my capacity for a fulfilling career, if teaching yoga wasn’t fulfilling in the right way, or if starting something new seemed daunting. Plus I had an open invitation back to the cubicle full time with a decent paycheck. Later circumstances gave me the chance for time off from office life, too. So much has changed in a good way, despite great loss. Now I look to gain inner health and empowerment that I’ve never had. To rest the constant feeling of being rushed. To calm the belief that I’m not good enough to make a difference or have a fulfilling vocation. There are prospects for a more stable home life. I feel determined to live responsibly and to support myself in fulfilling work, even if it means taking a break to reset.

Thank you for faith that if a connection is real, then a pause for clarity will only strengthen it.

Thank you for efforts to do what is best despite difficulties. Thank you for attempts to lay a healthy foundation for a future relationship.

Thank you for faith that everything will be ok no matter what tomorrow brings. (Honestly, one tomorrow will bring the end of tomorrows. That’s how it goes. That will be ok, too.)

Thank you for stand up comedy.

Thank you for the latest watch party with the ladies.

Thank you for POTUS leading with compassion, giving wisdom on how to grieve based on his experience. Feeling sadness and loss heals our insides to process grief in a healthy way.

Thank you for effort and ease.

Thank you for vegan almond croissants.

Thank you for iTunes for the time being.

Thank you for Milpa blue corn tortillas. They make crispy light chips in the air fryer.

Thank you for warmer and sunnier days here lately.

Thank you for clear, warm weather for a bike ride two weekends in a row.

Thank you for the calm gained when reading The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching. Every time, I feel peaceful and happy. Thank you for different ways to give (from that book)—joy, presence, stability, freedom, freshness, peace, space, understanding. Thank you for the bottoms of pages 179, 181, and 188.

Thank you for the contentment of watching Peaches sleep.

Thank you for more house pics from Elyse and for everyone who is hard at work on construction. It has floors and walls and lofts and ceilings and windows now. The build appears to be on schedule.

Thank you for naturally lit kitchens. Cooking is easier in natural light. The end results can be tastier too.

Thank you for the comfort not to have broken bones or other major injuries. When I appreciate my health, it’s hard to be sad.

Thank you for busy days.

Thank you for the sun’s warmth.

Thank you for you.